An article today in the NY Times describes the changing social norm of children being born outside of marriage. It states that for women under 30, more than half of the births now occur outside of marriage. This contrasts sharply with data from just two decades ago. Yet a deeper look at the numbers shows that college graduates still overwhelmingly marry before having children. The divide in behavior therefore is significant between those who get a college degree and those who don't.
The risks to these children are considerable. The article goes on to state that "Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school, or suffering emotional and behavioral problems." Children need both fathers and mothers, together.
I don't know anyone who wants their children to fall into poverty, fail at school, or suffer emotional or behavioral problems. We all want the best for our kids. So waiting to have children until marriage is a good way to do what's best for your kids.
The Church and society need to really take a long hard look at why marriages and even marriage as an institution is failing among those who are poor and who are poorly educated. One doesn't have to be rich or educated to get married, so what's the cause of this, and what needs to be done to help reverse the trend? We must care for the poor, think carefully about their personal situations and the related societal issues, and act in ways that bring benefit.
And parents, make sure your little girls get a good education.
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My parents divorced when I was 13 and never got back together. Around the time I turned 18, they became very bitter towards each other. At this point in time, I'm not even sure they are legally allowed to be near each other. I understand though that it is probably a lot more difficult growing up with parents who never married at all. But in contrast to what the studies have said about children being raised by single parents or divorced parents, I've known a number who grew up to be successful and thriving. When I think back on some of the stuff I had to witness between my parents, I feel like I became a stronger person through it. I grew up faster, learned to deal with things, and adopted leadership qualities to be a big brother to my much more affected younger brother. Fragmented families are tough to deal with but I am thankful that I have a very big family now, with parents that are remarried to people they get along better with, and 3 new younger siblings who look up to me.
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