The hardest thing about being a dad

Man do I love being a dad.  It's fun.  I'm so excited about my three smart, beautiful, kind little girls.

But being a good dad is tough.  It's hard.  Exhausting at times.  It's a balance of strength and gentleness, of fact and faith, of justice and mercy.

I have to let them know that I love them.  They need to feel it, deep in the subconscious brain where feelings grow & values form, way down in there.

Sometimes to give them what they want is to spoil them.  Sometimes to not give them what they want will crush their spirit.  I have to try to know when it's the one, and when it's the other.  Thankfully my wife helps me with that!

If when you get it wrong, you have to be aware of that and be able to adjust, be flexible, even apologize when you really fail.  At other times, you must not adjust to everything they say they want, but hold that ground and not give way.  At times you must be gentle, and other times you have to be very, very firm.

Sometimes I think there is a thing that feels like the loving thing to do, but if I really love them, I have to do the opposite.  Because what they want, and what they need, are at times worlds apart.  There are times I  want to pick them up - but sometimes I have to let them pick themselves up and cheer them on in doing it.  I may want to always hold their hand - but sometimes I have to let go.  Knowing when it's time to hold tight and when it's time to let go are tough; it seems that both can be mistakes and both can be the right thing, depending on the situation.

They have to learn to do things on their own, but they can't learn that without you.  Sometimes, though, their own personal experience is the only way they are going to really get it & learn the lessons they need for life.  And in those moments, your heart breaks.  Why didn't they just listen when I said that the first time?  Don't know, but sometimes we all have to learn things the hard way.

It can take everything you have to do what they need instead of what they want.  I think it is the balancing act, the tension between two truths, that is the hardest thing to get a handle on.  In a way though, it's freeing - the target continually moves, and you just move along with it.